If you found your way to this page, it's probably because you read Erik's Date Me Doc and for some reason wanted more.

This is Erik in the words of his ex. They were together for almost three years.

Erik in the words of his ex

If you've stumbled across this document or perhaps it's been given to you - you might be thinking: "WTF, this man has lost his marbles. Why is he sending me something from his ex?"

Honestly, I'd have thought the same not too long ago.

But here we are. I had the privilege and pain of dating this man for nearly three years. So consider this document a gift from me, to you. Not to spite him, not to sway you. You're a grown woman. You'll figure out compatibility on your own. This is simply a glimpse into Erik from the other side. Hopefully it answers those burning questions we want to ask when starting a new relationship. And maybe, a little curiosity as to why I chose to leave someone I still love and respect deeply to this day.

A Little About Me

I'm 33. South African. Based in Cape Town. I have ADHD and I've lived through tremendous trauma. I'm Christian and that is my bedrock. I grew up in a working-class home: a loud, chaotic household with three siblings and bucketloads of love. My parents were married for 33 years until my father passed away in 2011. Their love is something I've carried in my heart, something I've tried to mirror in my own relationships.

I've supported my family financially since I was 19, putting my sister and cousins through university, helping my mother, stepping into the role of breadwinner long before I knew what that really meant. It shaped me. It aged me. It also made me fiercely resilient.

I've struggled with anxious attachment because of my losses at an early age. I've smothered my partners at times, afraid they'd leave me, because somewhere, deep down, there's a voice that whispered: "You're not enough. Who could love you?" Now I'm doing the work to heal these patterns and painful beliefs.

I'm tall and athletic, though my body has let me down more than once. Injuries have kept me grounded when I wanted to soar. I often struggled to keep up with Erik's active and adventurous pace, in the endI was more of a homebody. Another sharp contrast: I can't partner dance to save my life. At all.

I can be self-critical and care too much about what others think. I over-communicate when I'm afraid, and while that's a strength in my work, it can be overwhelming in relationships. I take up a lot of space—sometimes too much. I can be very self-centred, but I'm radically self-aware, and I will go to the ends of the earth to repair before walking away.

I love without borders.

Big, bold, wholehearted love.

Sometimes intimidating. Sometimes reckless.

It is always true, and fully unconditional.

Right now, I'm rebuilding.Reclaiming. Self-partnering.

And somewhere in the mess and magic of that process, I had the wild idea to write this.

A tell-it-like-it-is, no-holding-back, deeply personal testimonial.

For you.

For him.

For love.

Because this, strangely enough, felt like the most honest and selfless thing I could do.

Why Did We Break Up?

Good question! You'd think the answer would be complicated after all that. But it's not.

We loved each other. We were best friends. We were family. But we couldn't make each other happy. More detail?

I wanted commitment but I was stuck in anxious habits that were tearing myself and our relationship apart. We negotiated and tried to change each other. Erik wanted to make it work I believe as much as I did at time, but remained trapped in doubt and waiting for me to become the woman I said I could be. We both held out hope. We both doubted. He couldn't fully open his heart with trust. And I couldn't create the safety he needed to do so. Because I wanted acceptance for my darkest shadows. Work I now know is never for the partner you're with, it's just for you. The cycle ran its course.

We tried to build a life with no real commitment. I believed unconditional love would be enough. He believed love should arrive as a spontaneous, certain feeling—but never did, it drifted further away. Both beliefs were flawed. Ultimately love is both an action and divine experience. You need both to exist side by side.

The age old saying, "If you know, you know," speaks volumes to what we knew. And so when doubt meets delusion, love gets harder and harder to hold.

And still, we tried. Couples therapy. Spicy intimacy. Travel. Prayer. Fasting. Weekly check-ins. You name it we tried it. One step shy of a blood sacrifice. I might've considered that too.

But in the end, we couldn't give each other the love and safety we both deserved. We were each other's shadow teachers.

We triggered the hell out of each other. It was exhausting—and revealing.

Our dynamic lacked stability and clarity. There's no neat villain in our story. I won't let you blame him. I won't let you blame me. We were never going to work. And when I finally accepted that, I ended things on June 18, 2025. It remains one of the most sobering moments of my life. And the most radical act of self-love and unconditional love I've ever done. It set us both free.

The Lexicon of Erik

It's about time I gave you the truth about the man you're considering. His own writing might skim over some of these observations, be a bit navel-gazey and wordy, as he'd say. He's a beautiful writer. But let's get to the heart of it.

Let's go…

COURAGE

The first time I saw Erik's courage was after our first breakup. He told me he loved me—words he'd never said to any woman before. He said them with eyes wide open, knowing what that vulnerability cost him. He offered me his heart, and truthfully, I didn't cherish that gift the way I wish I had.

But he said them anyway. And every time I felt like running, every time I doubted us, he met me in the shadows and reached for the light. He fought for us—bravely, consistently, with honour.

I watched him close the business he built over five years, with more than 30 employees. He tried every possible route to save it. Every plan, every meeting, every sleepless night. And when it came undone, I saw a different kind of courage in him—the quiet kind. The kind that puts one foot in front of the other and walks through grief with grace.

He let go of being CEO. Founder. Mentor. He let go of the identity he'd wrapped himself in. And still, he showed up. Head held high.

In the summer of 2024, I watched him work himself to the bone in a London consultancy role. He was older than the rest of the team. The hours were brutal. The stakes were high. And the company reminded him a lot of the one he had just lost. Still, he put his whole self into it. When the role didn't convert to something long-term, he didn't spiral. He didn't collapse. But I could see the disappointment—he carried it quietly.

That same summer, I watched him answer questions from family and friends about what was next. At 38, he was starting over. Again. That takes courage most people never have to summon.

He's built himself from the ground up more than once. And what you'll find is a man of integrity, of faith, and of grit.

WISDOM

Erik is a teacher. He shares knowledge in a way that's natural and easy to absorb, never patronising. He draws not just from personal experience, but from the deep well of his Zen Buddhist practice - specifically Big Mind and the teachings of his Zen Master, Genpo Roshi.

This spiritual discipline is the source of his greatest growth. It anchors him. His worldview is shaped by years of inquiry into the nature of the mind, ego, suffering, and self.

Our differing spiritual beliefs made things hard at times. He's looking for someone to walk this spiritual path beside him, a partner who is also curious, evolving, seeking. Someone who wants to share the sacredness of life and love.

Sometimes he can drift into abstraction or get a little lost in the esoteric. But don't be fooled. He is grounded in a deep desire to awaken and to grow. His silent retreats re-anchor him, but it's the integration afterwards that's the real work.

If you are his partner, I encourage you to challenge him gently. Call him back to the present. Invite him to share in your practice too. And above all, keep the faith when he wobbles. Because he will. And he needs someone who believes in him anyway.

INDEPENDENCE

Erik has been an independent operator for 98% of his life. The remaining 2% goes to his parents between the ages of 0 to maybe 3.

One of his quirks: he often walks a few steps ahead of everyone else. It's not personal. Just gently call him back to pace.

His father once told me Erik was the kind of child who'd let go of your hand and confidently walk off into the world. That independence is still there. It lives in how he processes emotions, how he works, how he thinks, and how he lives.

In Europe, independence is an expectation. Unlike cultures where family or community interdependence is the norm, Erik learned to self-soothe and self-govern from an early age. This makes him excellent at navigating solitude. But in relationships, it can sometimes feel like distance—or even disconnection.

You'll need to have your own world. If you're co-dependent (like I was), that's okay—but make it conscious. Define your needs clearly. Set expectations. Plan returns.

His need for space is not a rejection of you, it's a recharging of him. It fuels his love, his creativity, and his desire. Without it, he stagnates.

One thing I highly recommend: a weekend away once a month. Erik thrives on solo retreats. They're not escapes, they're investments in presence. Give him that. And ask for what you need in return.

This isn't about tolerating distance—it's about co-creating a rhythm. Let him lead sometimes. It draws out his masculine energy in the most beautiful way.

INTELLIGENCE

Erik's intelligence is humbling. He's fluent in multiple languages. He devours books, podcasts, essays, and conversations. He's interested in politics, spirituality, economics, tech, intimacy, religion, philosophy- you name it he's read about it!

He's a sponge, constantly absorbing and applying knowledge. He's also a systems-thinker. Give him a problem and he'll build a framework, identify patterns, and find ten solutions.

It's impressive. It's sexy. It can also be… overwhelming.

Like most men, he seeks resolution and clarity - but he does it through intellect first. That means in an argument, he'll go straight to the logic, while you might still be caught in the feeling. Emotional nuance can get lost when he's deep in problem-solving mode.

He struggles to express emotional needs clearly, and emotional intelligence is an area of growth for him. That said, he's incredibly open to feedback and committed to becoming better.

You'll need to lead gently here, bringing emotional depth into the space while meeting him in his love of ideas.

Think of it like this: the intimacy of the mind opens the door to the intimacy of the heart.

CURIOSITY

Curiosity is one of Erik's most defining traits.

He doesn't cling to fixed beliefs. He lives in the space of experimentation.

He's always exploring—languages, tools, ideas, apps, spiritual practices, business models.

He is deeply curious about things most people overlook. That curiosity runs through his family, they're intelligent, creative, multilingual explorers. Brilliant!

In relationships, his curiosity means he needs a partner who is open to evolving. Someone who doesn't need all the answers before the journey begins. Someone willing to move forward without knowing exactly where it will lead.

He is at his best when he can co-create solutions with someone who shares this curiosity.

Someone who doesn't fear uncertainty, but uses it as an invitation to grow together.

AMBITION

In October 2024, Erik taught himself to code. From scratch. In 100 days. I watched him dive headfirst into a full career pivot with nothing but determination and raw talent. He built apps: one, then two, then three! Each more complex than the last.

This wasn't just ambition. It was a kind of holy obsession. He set a goal: to land a job with his new skillset before the 100 days were up. And he did. Landing a job at one of the top strategy consulting firms in the UK.

But Erik's ambition isn't just about achievement. It's about mastery. He's an entrepreneur at heart, powered by curiosity and a deep desire to create. To build something meaningful. To solve problems. To leave the world a little better than he found it.

It's not performative. He doesn't chase prestige. He chases purpose. And when he finds it? He moves mountains.

RESILIENCE & DISCIPLINE

Erik's commitment to his daily meditation practice is no small thing. I've seen him do it at 3 a.m., sick, in the back of a car, on a plane. He carves out stillness wherever he is. It's extraordinary.

That level of discipline? It's not rigid—it's rooted. It's the ground he stands on. It's how he self-regulates. It's how he returns to himself.

And he seeks that same devotion in a partner. Someone who commits to something every day not perfectly, but wholeheartedly. Someone who shows up. Without excuses.

At times, this standard can feel intimidating. If you're someone who's afraid to fail in front of him, I get it. I was too.

But remember: this man isn't seeking perfection. He's seeking integrity. Someone who's willing to fall and rise again—gracefully, messily, but with resolve.

He's allergic to emotional volatility. It overwhelms him. He prefers calm, clarity, stoicism. But life isn't always still. And neither is love.

So while he's working on softening, you'll need to work on standing tall. Don't shrink to please him. Hold your ground, and communicate your needs with compassion and courage.

An example: Last year Erik paused his life to pack up his family home in Belgium, he also managed the sale of the property. He did it 99%% on his own, all within two months. No drama. No meltdown. Just deep breath, task list, action.

That's his version of masculine leadership. It's powerful. It's beautiful. But it can also feel cold if you're not aligned in approach.

So get clear on your own rhythm. Define what resilience and emotional leadership look like for you. Bring that clarity to him, and ask the same in return. That's how you build a stable life together.

HUMOUR

Erik is funny. Sometimes charmingly. Sometimes awkwardly. Sometimes in a way that makes you raise an eyebrow.

He's quick-witted, dry, and leans into self-deprecating humour. He loves banter. He's a bit of a prankster. And at heart, he's a big kid who just wants to play.

But humour is also his shield. It's where he hides when he's uncomfortable or unsure. He's never mean. But he can misread the room, especially with a few drinks in him or on the dance floor.

So test it early. See how his humour lands in your body. Does it feel playful? Or piercing? Can you join in? Or do you feel left out?

If it feels good—lean in. Because laughter with Erik is light, FUN and healing, and full of sparks.

GENEROSITY

I have never, in my life, met a man more generous than Erik. (Only my father)

He gave it to me without hesitation. Loaned me money to help build my business. Bought me gifts that were thoughtful and uplifting. Booked trips. Paid for magical dinners. He made sure I was never left behind.

He gives to his friends and family the same way. And they return that generosity in kind. His family welcomed me, supported me, loved me. They were generous to my mother, too. We made memories together that I'll cherish for the rest of my life.

But generosity isn't only material. And emotional generosity? That's the growth edge. Erik is working on it. Learning how to share his feelings freely. To trust. To surrender. To open his heart even when it feels safer to close.

If you're walking this road with him, bring your patience. Bring your honesty. Bring your courage.

Be clear about your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Ask that they be met. Call him into vulnerability—but don't demand it. Invite him.

And when he meets you there, meet him back. Fully. Kindly. Without flinching. I wish I'd created more space for that in us.

Because his heart, when it opens, is generous beyond words. And one day, when he walks that path with someone fully, I believe it will be the greatest love of his life. I know it!

FAMILY

Erik is a family man. The eldest child. Now fatherless for the first time, he is walking the complex path of grief.

But even in that grief, what has deepened is his longing to become a father himself.

He will be a wonderful dad. Present. Loving. Engaged. The kind of father who cooks breakfast and teaches languages. Who meditates with his kids. Who builds forts, fixes bikes, listens deeply, and learns right alongside them.

He's faulted, like all of us. But he's accountable. And in healing his own inner child, he's becoming the kind of man who can raise a child with devotion, awareness, and joy.

If you build a family with Erik, you'll feel it instantly. That steady, quiet knowing. That this man will show up. Every day. All in.

PASSION

Erik is a passionate, committed, and devoted lover. A deeply physical man.

He brings intensity to intimacy, anchored in presence, wrapped in safety. He leads with strength, steadiness, and deep masculine energy that invites the feminine forward.

With Erik, sensuality becomes a ceremony. He draws out the wild, the creative, the soft, the dark. He honours the body as a vessel for connection, play and healing. He listens without words. His intuition is grounded and clear. He moves with intention. He masters his domain. Yet he plays with power, but never without reverence.

Being with him is a full-bodied experience. One that awakens your and his primal knowing. Your softness. Your fire. Your surrender.

He doesn't just make love - he worships the goddess you are.

And in doing so, he invites you to do the same.

So what's left to say about Him?

This has been a strange, vulnerable thing to write. And maybe an even stranger thing to read. But I wanted to offer you a clear-eyed, open-hearted view of the man I once called my best friend, my partner, my almost-forever.

I have never felt more loved, seen, challenged, and grown than I did in my relationship with Erik. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't easy. But it was real. And it changed me.

Erik is hard on himself. He drifts into anxiety, into self-doubt, into moments of quiet sadness. He needs a nurturing hand sometimes, a reminder that healing isn't a destination. It's a spiral. A practice. A becoming.

If you walk the path of love with him, expect to meet old wounds and patterned fears. But also expect growth—deep, astonishing, soul-shaping growth.

He won't cheat. He won't lie. In fact, sometimes you'll wish he could be a bit more flexible with the truth. He's honest to a fault.

He is learning, at the young age of 39, what it means to be a man of radical accountability, conscious commitment, and emotional presence.

He's not looking for chaos. He's not looking for a project. He's not looking for someone to rescue or be rescued by.

He's looking for peace. For compatibility. For a steady love that allows him to engage with life's suffering without being consumed by it.

His stoicism, his stillness, his discipline—these are beautiful masculine qualities. But when paired with doubt, they can harden into emotional avoidance. If he commits fully, though, those same traits become soft ground—safe, solid, sacred.

So if you are a woman hoping he'll fix you, fill the void, he won't. I kindly say this, stop reading and walk away. He is not a redemption arc. Nor is he looking to be one.

But if you are a woman rooted in her own life, her own rhythm—interdependent, not dependent—then you may be the partner he's been waiting for.

Someone to trust. To build with. To rise with.

And if your core values match—if you can find shared language for love, for safety, for faith—then what you will find in Erik is a universe.

One that opens slowly. One that requires patience. But one that is worth every single layer.

From my heart to yours

I loved him then. I love him now. I once wanted to marry him. And I hope, if you're reading this, that he marries you.

This is my strange offering. A bare and tender truth-telling. Because sometimes we see our partners most clearly not in the grand gestures, but in the quiet things.

Filling up the car with petrol Tucking us into bed Laughing like children Grieving with grace Learning to re-parent ourselves and themselves at the same time

We see it in fights. And in the forgiveness. We see it in the departure. And in the way we respect and honour, long after they're gone.

I could write a thousand stories about us. A thousand reconciliations, arguments, triumphs, collapses.

But all I really want to say is this: Thank you, Erik. For being my teacher. My partner. My mirror. My best fucking friend.

You made this heartbreak beautiful. You made writing this so easy.

And to YOU — whoever you are, wherever you are, reading this now - don't be quick to judge.

Peel him slowly. Let him do the same for you. Meet him with your heart open, and ask him to meet you there too.

If he does, you will encounter a rare and beautiful kind of love.

One worth every page of this letter. One worth beginning again for.